Sometimes I feel so ‘full’ that I could burst. I’ll look around & see people enjoying themselves; shiny happy people as ‘REM’ coined them.
I feel overcome with a sense of enormous emotion , you know the kind? Warm ,fuzzy and all consuming. You are so glad to be alive, surrounded by the most amazing friends and family . You feel like you could combust with happiness . You want to group hug everybody.
With exactly one week until my 49th birthday I’m here and I get to still enjoy this journey we call life.
Take last night … I get to savour these moments wearing the brightest red lip and shortest flirty LBD. Singing my heart out to Jocelyn Brown , belly laughing , drinking cheap whisky and over-priced cocktails that are mostly ice. Talking to strangers about boxing. Surprise my friends that I even know anything about boxing? Bore my friends about boxing ! See people I’ve not seen for ages and share over- familiar alcohol induced hugs in toilets that have seen far better days and smell of fresh sick
Sometimes when I’m in such a good place I’ll feel myself welling up … cheated and angry at the world .
Tonight though my Mum is with me and she’s having non of it … “look how far you’ve come”. I can see her beautiful face; she’s whispering to me from my sub-conscious “You’ve had your heart broken into a thousand pieces, yet you still manage to smile, more importantly you make other people smile. That lady at work today who told you your smile keeps her going, she wasn’t paid to say that. Each one of us has the ability to make or break somebodies day … be the one to make it.
You’ve got one life, it’s ok to be sad but it’s even better to live with sadness by your side as a friend not an enemy. You lost the one thing you thought you couldn’t live without … yet here you are doing exactly that … living.
Your sadness, although one you’d rather not have experienced, gives you a strength you never knew you had. Tonight my lovely I want you to dance your heart out . Dance because you can …dance because you love too. Dance like nobody is watching.
Dance knowing that although I’m not physically with you … I am always with you … in the smiles of strangers , in laughter , kind eyes, Christmas films, Baileys coffees … and always, always in your heart
Tonight Tracey you’ll be dancing for the both of us ” 💗
My mum is in care this Christmas. It’s hard but memories are a beautiful thing.
I’m so sorry to hear that and yes our memories are beautiful and extremely treasured . I hope you have a lovely Christmas despite the circumstances x
I love this! I’ve had a low day… missing my mum, thinking of all the things she has missed in the last three and a half years. 💔
I decided to have a nice long bubbly bath and listen to some music. Shuffle play on my Spotify playlist and half an hour later I’m singing and dancing around the bedroom to some of mums songs. 💕👍
As I’ve said before…we were do lucky to have amazing mums! 🥰
My mum passed away 22 years ago but I genuinely still think of her every single day. I’m an only child and although I have 2 sons (one who lives in Sheffield yay!) my life has never been the same. She was very smartly dressed, loved her red lippy and every time I wear it I think of her and how I wish she was here with me, my boys and my grandchildren.
Christmas is always bad even now xx
Thank you for this – missing my dad so much 3 years since he died – Christmas is hard + I sometimes find myself in the depths of grief, drowning. It literally takes my breath away sometimes – your words say it all thank you x
Polly, I’m so sorry for your loss. Everyone’s grief process is different but I hope my take on things helps people if only in a little way with their grief xx
Love this…..made me think of my own mum, looking down on me, thank you xx
Thankyou for popping a cross and having a read. It’s always appreciated & I hope it helps others xx