July … what does it mean to you ?
For me it’s the start of a long hot summer [hopefully] alfresco ‘everything’ in the garden , weekends away, my best friends birthday.
It is also a painful reminder that in just a few days time, 2 years ago , my mum and best friend died.
July 10th at 3.40pm in palliative care with Dad & I sat by her bedside.
I’ll not lie I’m in a weird-ass mood
Before mum died … seems like a life-time away, it also feels like yesterday.
Before mum died … I seemingly didn’t have a care in the world. I probably did but It just felt like I laughed constantly [especially with my mum] my world was good.
I was the girl up for anything. If you told me I couldn’t or shouldn’t do it then you can guarantee I would probably try . I’d then run back to my mum and tell her all-about it. She’d shake her head while we sat laughing uncontrollably. I loved that. I loved sharing stuff with her. She would pretend to be shocked [at some things ] but believe me my mum was a little minx, an instigator and terribly encouragable.
For example my mum found this story particularly funny … [and ‘Tracey does Kavos‘ which despite being hilarious & very, very innocent I promised I’d never talk about .My mum was worried people would get the wrong impression . If I ever write my memoirs it’ll be in there for sure…] Continue reading
AD | gift only
LETTERS FROM MUM
“I trace the line of each letter with my finger…
Absorbing every single word
I Imagine your face as you wrote each one; no doubt giggling at your own jokes
I smile … but at the same time a wave of heavy, sadness engulfs me and I can’t stop the tears.
Happy tears, sad tears , innocent tears for a time when I naively thought you’d be around forever .
I smell the paper; I’m disappointed that it doesn’t smell of you … year’s stored safely away in a Cigarette box has put pay to that.
I hold the letters against my heart and imagine that you are holding me
A part of you is etched on those precious pieces of paper. Conversations that can’t be erased . Words forever embedded in my heart “
I wrote this poem after I was approached by the lovely Emma from Inscripture to see whether I would like to collaborate with them and choose a piece of their beautiful jewellery.
After looking into the company I couldn’t say no.
It’s no ordinary jewellery … they take special words from letters, cards etc and engrave them onto jewellery – ‘You live the moments, we create the memories’
It is a beautiful concept and something that would make a special keepsake / gift.
I’m a big bundle of emotions at the moment. I make no secret of the fact I find the build up to Mothers Day hard. I don’t begrudge any mums out there their special day … it’s just hard when yours isn’t around anymore and your not a mum yourself.
Morning ,
I’m posting something a bit different today …
Please bear with me and let me know what your think ; also let me explain.
I have mentioned this on previous occasions, so I’m sorry if you feel I am going over old ground; but there is not one day since we lost mum that I’ve not thought about her at some point . Sometimes it’s a fleeting memory and it disappears as quickly as it popped into my head. Sometimes my thoughts linger around for hours. Sometimes I remember and I smile , sometimes I’m reduced to tears.
It’s been a year of firsts.
Next Sunday it’s another.
It’s Mother’s Day , the first one without my beloved mum. I’m dreading it. I’ll be Mum-less on Mother’s Day. I don’t think I’ll ever fully get my head around the fact that she’s no longer here. It feels most days like I am living somebody else’s life …
