Category: Musings

Updates & Beauty Banter…

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This blog post is brought to you by a rather discruntled and fed up Tracey.

Since mum left us [ I still can’t say died, it’s far too final and blunt] I’ve been trying really hard to wake up each morning with a smile; to think happy thoughts.

Obviously I’ve not always succeeded and on quite a few days I’ve been in tears before it’s even turned 10.00am. I’m a lady in grieving and I take it this is normal behaviour.

To make matters worse,  today I’ve woken up to a poorly Mollie [ dog ] she’s struggling to walk on her back leg and looks and probably feels the same as me.

Very Fed up.

It’s just another worry I could do without. I love the bones off that little fur lady and couldn’t bear it if anything happened to her. I’m currently sat typing with her next to me, that way I can keep my beady eye on her.

I’ve cried, I’ve had coffee. Normality is resumed… for a few hours anyway.

So anyway today I thought I’d share some beauty products with you. I’ve been using all of these on and off for the past couple of months.

Just to clarify [ I know their are skeptics out there who think Bloggers only feature gifted goods] Non of the products featured were gifted by a brand.

I love them, I buy them and I use them. Simples!

So without sounding like a chuffing record [ I do , I know ! ] the stress from the last few months has really taken a negative toll on my already shitty skin.

A few weeks ago I had a major, MAJOR break out. I’m 46 please stop. Lots of lump, bumps and white heads around my chin and jawline , some of which turned into angry red spots.

Due to lack of sleep I’m hollow and dark under my eyes . I look drained, spotty and knackered. I sound delightful don’t I?

Makeup helps. Thank the lord for makeup!  Continue reading →

Charity begins at home … Would you shop at a Charity Shop?

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Losing mum to cancer has had a strange effect on us all. While in the most part it’s been bloody shit it has also brought out a positive, determined side in us. A can we do more?… Can we help? …Can we raise awareness? 

Having experienced first hand the scale of this awful disease, the helplessness that we felt , its compelled us to want to do something worth while; try to give back.

I’m considering taking up running [ yes you heard correctly – sofa monster might move yet!? ] so that I can participate in a sponsored run next year. 

The BF and I are constantly thinking of hair brain schemes to help fund raise.

‘Wing walking‘ has been mentioned a few times but having Cataplexy I doubt it would even get past Health & Safety! Thanks to my ailment I have terrible balance generally … never mind while walking on a chuffing planes wing!

By a weird twist of fate an opportunity arose for my BF to help out at a local Cancer charity shop for the next couple of week-ends. It won’t bring mum back unfortunately BUT it will help raise money for research and maybe, just maybe it will go towards preventing somebody having to through what we have, as a family,  in the future.

Every little helps …

It was his first day working there today , [no drunken Bank Holiday escapades for us] so I popped into see him earlier. 

*Proud girlfriend moment* Continue reading →

Discover Sheffield … #StayDifferent

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“We live in Sheffield, we write about things we see here. What else is there to write about“ – Alex Turner, Arctic Monkeys

It may seem strange to anybody looking in that I got invited to spend the night at St Paul’s, Mecure Hotel and Spa in Sheffield.

Why you may ask ?…

Well basically because I live in the steel city. Apart from a 2 year stint in Lincoln it’s always been home.

I did question why I’d been invited myself but as I often get asked where to stay in Sheffield AND as I am a massive advocate of the beautiful city I thought it was an ideal opportunity.

What better way to recommend a hotel than to have stayed there yourself .

What better way to promote a city than to see it through ‘first timers’ eyes…

So I said yes … if it was still ok with them then I’d love to take up their generous offer.

So that’s what I did last Friday night along with a group of bloggers from around the country. Continue reading →

Life goes on …

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It’s been just under a month since we said our last goodbyes to mum.

Despite the boyfriends pleas that I don’t talk about it [ to the world that is ; he’s been a rock and is a great listener] apparently I am being morbid. I am single handily depressing and boring the blogosphere. I thought I’d go a head and do an update anyway .. on life.

Life after mum.  Continue reading →

Goodbyes …

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Today I thought I’d share my last tribute to mum with you. A letter I wrote that was actually read out at her ‘Celebration of Life Ceremony’ last Thursday.

People don’t tend to talk about these things and believe it or not I wasn’t going to share it  on here but my BF convinced me that I should.

I suppose in a way it is kind of fitting; you have shared this journey with us. You may even feel as though you knew mum from some of my stories I’ve shared.

I realise that for the past few months mum and her illness is seemingly all I have spoken about. It has in a way been like therapy for me. It’s seen me through.

While I will never ever stop talking about my beautiful mum I’m sure it will become less frequent… on here anyway.

The morning of the service itself was horrible; it rained, and rained and then some.

We woke up to no water courtesy of a burst water main , a bus jack-knived outside the house blocking our path out and then what should have been a 5 minute journey upto dads house took us over half an hour. I honestly  thought we would never get there.

We did . . . JUST!

The service itself was rather beautiful and uplifting . It wasn’t religious in anyway, something we all agreed on. It’s hard to believe in ‘anything’ especially after you’ve sat and witnessed Mum suffer and deteriorate the way she did towards the end.

Music came courtesy of Richard Clayderman ‘ Ballade Pour Adeline‘ , Bruno Mars ‘Talking to the Moon‘  , Eva Cassidy ‘Over the Rainbow‘ and D-Side ‘Real World‘

There was a very fitting poem ‘She is Gone’ with lots of time to reflect.

The rain even stopped.

So here goes . . .

 

Dear Mum,

On July 10th at 3.25pm you left us – after a long , brave fight you eventually let go. I was there by your side with dad, somewhere I feel I’ve always been.

At that precise moment my world turned upside down…

This letter is something I never thought I’d be writing, not so soon anyway. I write most days yet today I’m struggling to find the words. 

Thankyou for being the most amazing mum. THE BEST. You made it so easy to love you . I suppose that’s why it’s so extremely hard to let go, to say goodbye.

Goodbye is so final and I’m not ready. Continue reading →

Little Steps …

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As your probably aware it’s been a whole 4 days since I lost my beautiful mum. 4 days of walking around in a blur.

I’m trying to keep busy, not think too long or too hard. I mostly just feel numb and extremely sad. I cry randomly, my emotions are like a rollercoaster. I enjoy highs and I hit lows.

I want the world to stop. Why are people still laughing and enjoying themselves, don’t they realise my mums just died?  Why isn’t the nation in mourning? Everything is exactly the same as it was before only my mums not here ; my worlds been turned upside down. Nothing for our family will ever be the same again.

Everyday life doesn’t seem real, I have a constant ache in my stomach – it’s like I’ve been punched. I feel empty. Alone. Scared even … but as I’ve been told on numerous occasions “life goes on.”

So here I am, trying to ‘go on‘ little steps at a time … the only way I know how.

By writing.

By sharing …

I’ve started wearing mums wedding ring at all times, it brings me some comfort. She feels close.

I’m scared to death I’ll lose it so if you happen to bump into me and I’m constantly checking my right hand … it’s not some weird ailment. I’m just checking it’s still there.

Continue reading →

The Slabb …

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“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz

I was sent some chocolate to trail a couple of weeks ago . I know, I know hard job but  somebodies got to do it !  It was quite literally like all my birthdays had come at once.

I’d love to say these ‘slabbs’ lasted a while, but truth be known we did them both in one night! The BF and I are total chocoholics BUT  that’s good going even for us…

I’m the kinda girl who hides chocolate all around the house , hoping I’ll forget where I’ve put it which will stop me eating it so quickly, if at all .  I never forget … never ever …not where chocolates concerned anyway. Car keys, pens and purse that’s a different story!

So let me introduce you … you never know you might find yourself up close and personal on the settee with a slab of your own very soon!

The Slabb is a brand of delicious fully loaded chocolate with something for every taste. I was sent two white chocolate bars: Continue reading →

What will your dash say …

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It’s been a funny old day…

Funerals make you reflective don’t they? They are beautiful , yet tremendously sad at the same time. We’ve been to say goodbye to one of my best friends mums today. It’s never easy but it was a lovely service . For me the Vicar summed it up perfectly – her words resonated. She said on your grave stone amongst other things will be engraved your date of birth – the day you departed  [for example 1928 – 2017] but oh what meaning that little dash holds. Make your dash as for-filled as possible.

She’s right isn’t she? That little dash represents your life. What will yours say? Continue reading →