Dolly Day dreamer’s bucket list …

My name should be Dolly … ‘Dolly Daydreamer’ ; because that’s what I spend an awful lot of my time doing.

Day dreaming.

Why be in the real world when the one going off in your head is so much more exciting?

At 47 I still find I immerse myself in American teen dramas. You know the type ‘Pretty Little Liars’ , ‘Riverdale’ … Perfect girls with perfect wardrobes, hair that falls perfectly into place. They date the hottest guys and are perfect grade A students.

That’s a whole lot of fecking perfect isn’t it!?

I’m not sure about you but my reality throughout high-school went more along these lines – uncontrollable perm , ‘individual’ wardrobe . Referred to as ‘goofy’ or ‘lanky bird’ more often than my actual name. Socially arkward. I blushed like a beetroot at everything and nothing.

I didn’t date the hot guys … I didn’t date any-chuffing- one!

So I like to venture elsewhere. I figure it’s just nice to escape every now and again . Even if its into my own imagination. Its free and you can do it anywhere …[ I find trains good ] which randomly got me thinking about bucket lists. [like you do … are you even still with me?]

The official meaning of which goes …

a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime.’

I suppose these are a list of dreams; but potentially attainable ones [ish]

So here’s my list … in no particular order and just like me its very random.

Continue reading

Music was my first love…

Today I thought I’d talk about one of my greatest loves…

No not cake … though that’s right up there

Music

[This was first posted in January last year, I’ve tweaked it slightly and pressed republish. Some posts deserve a second airing.]

To coin a phrase music … was my first love and it will [no doubt] be my last. I don’t care what you say music can evoke special memories, resort you to tears, make you smile or send you into a spontaneous dance.

Hey … some of us even sit and record ourselves singing in the car over on instagram stories!!

Music can make or break a ‘moment’ in a film , or come to think of it real life.

Take for example Psycho and the famous shower scene … it wouldn’t be quite the same with the ‘shoop shoop’ song playing along cheerily in the background now would it?

The Mr and I both share a love of music and we were talking earlier about the songs we would play for a certain situation i.e your happy , or your sad song. I’ve already mentioned  the songs that make up the soundtrack of my life over on Meet Tracey & Liz [go have a read afterwards]

This was just a bit of fun with the Mr firing questions at me and these were the first responses I flung back.

I thought I’d share them with you… [as I’m typing no doubt more songs will keep popping into my head – so many songs, so many memories !] Continue reading

Goodbye 2017

Sometimes there is sadness in our journey, but there is also beauty. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we hurt for we will never know what is waiting for us around the cornerBrigitte Nicole

The approaching New Year has a way of making us all feel a little reflective doesn’t it?

Sad, happy , excited , full of hope, anticipation of better times … that somehow the dawning of a new year , a new day will make everything a-little better?

It’s a chance to wipe the slate clean and start again. I for one can’t wait to see the back of 2017, but in reality it is just another day – its our mindset that tells us otherwise and I suppose that’s not a bad thing. Continue reading

The Wizard of Oz hits Sheffield

When I was a little girl I knew Christmas was on its way because of numerous events that happened in our house-hold.

For starters mum pouring herself a large Bailey’s, popping on a Christmas CD while excitedly putting up and decorating the tree was a definite giveaway. Red and gold, always red and gold.

My grandad coming to stay with us for a few nights signalled Santa wasn’t far away at all. I loved my Grandad staying. He let us drink sherry [ a tiny glass] and stay up late.

Dad would always plump for a massive turkey [ I swear it was bigger than my head] which Mum always cooked on Christmas Eve. They were an extremely sociable ‘Mum and dad’ who had friends & neighbours back after the pub for turkey sandwiches, more drink and frivolity.

Grandad smoked a pipe.

The combined smell that wafted around the house during that time was Christmas.

Turkey and tobacco.

It lingered on everything. It was comforting, familiar. It was Christmas. I wish I could have bottled it up.

When the bumper Christmas edition Radio Times eventually got delivered Mark [my brother ] and I would fight over, then flick through it excitedly ear-marking programmes we wanted to watch.

Mark was the blue marker, I was usually pink.

Along with ‘Jason and the Argonauts’ and ‘Spartacus’… ‘The Wizard of Oz’ was always highlighted in both blue and pink as one of the must watch films, something we agreed on for once! Continue reading

Stay Gold …

“Nature’s first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold. Her early leafs a flower, but only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf, so Eden sank to grief. So dawn goes down to day, nothing gold can stay” Robert Frost

November nights are drawing in. It’s icy cold outside and dark by 4pm. Its officially ‘life by candle light’ time of year.

My favourite.

Don’t you think candle light makes everything look and feel so much more beautiful; magical even. It creates a lovely ambience

[ It drives the BF mental, plays on his chest apparently – an ailment that appears to effect a lot of men …. mmmm]

In a few weeks it will be joined by the glow of the Christmas tree, an angel and a single string of fairy lights that will dance around the fireplace.

Late afternoon everyday on channel 5 its Christmas movie-time. When I can, I make sure everything’s completed before I settle down with my coffee [ preferably loaded with Baileys // or Bally Castle the Aldi cheaper dupe ] and lose myself for an hour or so.

The living room descends into darkness, the flicker of candles and smell of coffee fills the air.

I melt into the arm chair, into pure escapism. I’m temporarily transported back. I’m a young, carefree girl and I believe. I believe in the magic of Christmas, I believe in Santa.

Gold.

I absolutely love Christmas; but this year I’m not running at it with my usual gusto. The usual excited anticipation has been replaced with a sense of the unexpected, dread even. Mums not here for the first time in my 46 years and the thought terrifies me.

I’m fading ,

tarnished…

I am however in my usual up-beat way going to try and enjoy the moments. Ok last week I had a major melt-down. Last week was a bastard. Last week reality hit me like a tonne of bricks and it hurt. A lot.

This is a new week.

A new mind-set.

My heart might not be in it but I intend to decorate the house, write the cards , eat the mince pies. Like I keep quoting … ‘stay gold’ Continue reading

Instagram Finds…you’ll want to know about

Love it or hate it Instagram for the whole is a good place to be.

Little squares to inspire , or be inspired. A place to share your loves and your hates, your fashion finds, beauty essentials, interior goals… a place to be creative. To discover similar creatives…

Let’s just put to the back of our mind the people buying a following, the follow-unfollow game, the crazy algorithm [groan] and the swipe up facility that you can’t access or use until you reach 10k followers ? Why Instagram why?

As well as ‘meeting’ and getting to know some truly fabulous people , I’ve also discovered some really lovely small UK brands. Had it not been for Instagram I might not have done so.

I thought I’d share some of them with you today.

First up is a friend of mine that I didn’t actually discover on here [ little details eh ] we went to college together back in the day, but who you can find on Instagram here. Continue reading

Let’s talk about ‘Our Maureen’…

Our Maureen.

I have so much to say on this subject that I don’t even know where to start. It’s so important, so close to my heart.

This isn’t sponsored, I’ve not been asked to write it and I didn’t get it sent to me free in the post!

It’s for my Mum and every other woman who went through / or is going through what she did. It’s to raise awareness.

So I’ll start with Maureen  …

Who is she?

Maureen [drumroll …] is what I call my vagina , other wise commonly referred too as your muff / tuppence / fanny / pussy / me-me / Mary or Fairy … long story short on a drunken holiday , during a drunken conversation with ‘the girls’ it got christened. Oh how we laughed. Continue reading

Gone … but not forgotten. Mums cancer journey

I’ve ‘hummed and arrhhed’ about posting this for fear of offending people , for fear of coming across depressive. I’m not here to conform, and it is just my thoughts, my musings of the last few months.

I braved it and hit publish.

* * * * * * * *’

As regular readers  will be aware my mum died on July 10th 2017.

The official cause of death Endometrioid Carcinoma of the Upper Vagina and end stage Kidney Disease. 

I was there as she took her last breath.

Just like that … after 2 weeks in palliative care she gave up the good fight.

It took me a while to be able to say it and not feel terrible… but it was a relief.

To see somebody you love who had always been so active –  bed-bound and in pain, with no prospect of getting better is gut-wrenching. The helplessness you feel, the aching, the love, the anger, the sadness … it a real mix of emotion, it’s confusing.

It caused me anxiety, sleepless nights and pangs of guilt. Continue reading