Little Steps …

As your probably aware it’s been a whole 4 days since I lost my beautiful mum. 4 days of walking around in a blur.

I’m trying to keep busy, not think too long or too hard. I mostly just feel numb and extremely sad. I cry randomly, my emotions are like a rollercoaster. I enjoy highs and I hit lows.

I want the world to stop. Why are people still laughing and enjoying themselves, don’t they realise my mums just died?  Why isn’t the nation in mourning? Everything is exactly the same as it was before only my mums not here ; my worlds been turned upside down. Nothing for our family will ever be the same again.

Everyday life doesn’t seem real, I have a constant ache in my stomach – it’s like I’ve been punched. I feel empty. Alone. Scared even … but as I’ve been told on numerous occasions “life goes on.”

So here I am, trying to ‘go on‘ little steps at a time … the only way I know how.

By writing.

By sharing …

I’ve started wearing mums wedding ring at all times, it brings me some comfort. She feels close.

I’m scared to death I’ll lose it so if you happen to bump into me and I’m constantly checking my right hand … it’s not some weird ailment. I’m just checking it’s still there.

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The Slabb …

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz

I was sent some chocolate to trail a couple of weeks ago . I know, I know hard job but  somebodies got to do it !  It was quite literally like all my birthdays had come at once.

I’d love to say these ‘slabbs’ lasted a while, but truth be known we did them both in one night! The BF and I are total chocoholics BUT  that’s good going even for us…

I’m the kinda girl who hides chocolate all around the house , hoping I’ll forget where I’ve put it which will stop me eating it so quickly, if at all .  I never forget … never ever …not where chocolates concerned anyway. Car keys, pens and purse that’s a different story!

So let me introduce you … you never know you might find yourself up close and personal on the settee with a slab of your own very soon!

The Slabb is a brand of delicious fully loaded chocolate with something for every taste. I was sent two white chocolate bars: Continue reading

What will your dash say …

It’s been a funny old day…

Funerals make you reflective don’t they? They are beautiful , yet tremendously sad at the same time. We’ve been to say goodbye to one of my best friends mums today. It’s never easy but it was a lovely service . For me the Vicar summed it up perfectly – her words resonated. She said on your grave stone amongst other things will be engraved your date of birth – the day you departed  [for example 1928 – 2017] but oh what meaning that little dash holds. Make your dash as for-filled as possible.

She’s right isn’t she? That little dash represents your life. What will yours say? Continue reading

Fathers Day Goodies … the edit

I’m not one for celebrating ‘faddy’ days pushed on us by advertisers intent on making loads of wonga out of us  … you all know my thoughts on Valentines Day.  If you don’t … head over here

There are a couple of days I do enjoy celebrating those being Mothers & Fathers Day. If there’s anyone I want to celebrate and say thank-you too it would be to my parents … mainly for putting up with me for all these years!

Perfect timing its Fathers Day in a few weeks time so I thought today I’d do a gift guide for all those deserving dads out there.  I personally always find it hard to buy for men, don’t you? Hopefully something might catch your eye and inspire you.

Saying that if your dads anything like mine he’ll not even know it’s Fathers Day. He won’t expect anything and would be perfectly happy with just a card and a pint!

Some of these suggestions are cheap and cheerful and some are investment pieces . Something to suit every purse string.

I’m still a big advocate ‘home made with love’ … If all else fails bake a cake ! Show me a dad who doesn’t love his sweet stuff. 

So here goes: Continue reading

Walking back to happiness featuring Transitions Optical Style Colours …

Story of my life…

I receive a couple of pairs of glasses to trail featuring the new Transitions Optical lenses from the new Style Colours collection  and the sun decides that in my corner of the world – Sheffield – it’s going to go into hiding… for the foreseeable future!

Speaking of Sheffield it’s made me smile today,  or rather its people have. I can only speak from a Sheffielders point of view because that’s where I am, but ‘by heck’ we are a mighty friendly  [ if slightly odd at times] bunch.

I encounter all sorts of people as I walk around Damflask with our Mollie. Somebody really needs to record a sit-com.

All walks of life, all shapes and all sizes. Today we were greeted by either a big toothy smile , a nod of the head, a cheery ‘Morning‘ or a pat on the back; Mollie’s back … not mine obviously!

I’m not sure if my senses become heightened as I stroll around and take in the beauty that surrounds me, or whether I appreciate life a little more having seen what mums going through? Either way the birds seemingly sing louder up in the trees, I’m entranced by the way the water dances as the light hits it?

A group of old ladies walked past us earlier. They smelt like my late Grandma Betty – ‘Palma violet  mixed with Yardley’ , you know that lovely old lady smell. It smelt comforting, familiar, it took me aback and brought a tear to my eyes.

I miss my Grandma … Continue reading

You Dirty Rotten Scoundrel … 

I went to the theatre last night to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I just love the theatre, to me there’s just something so romantic  and special about it.

You get dressed up. You go and you lose yourself for a few hours. There maybe tears, lots of laughter or even a bit of both.

I arrived to meet the lovely Louise [ northerninteriorgirl blog] at our ‘meeting place’ very early. I hate being late [something I tend to do a lot when the BF is involved. I swear he would be late to his own funeral] I get so anxious about where I’m going to park , how I’m going to get to where I’m going, etc etc that I always set off in plenty of good time. You know just incase

Anybody else get like this or is it just me?

Sheffield is currently like one big building site; you can guarantee that whatever route you intended on taking it has either been closed or diverted.

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It’s ok to not be ok … be a hexagon ! 

I wrote and published a post on Instagram a couple of days ago which I ‘ummmed and arrhhhed’ about.

I resisted the urge to delete.

I then pondered whether to write this blog for fear of being misunderstood. Sometimes I get things in my head but they don’t come out the way I intend.

Firstly I love Instagram. I love the interaction; like -minded people bonding over pictures of our tea and what we’ve been wearing.

I don’t know about you but I find it hard to relate to some of the tiny squares of ‘perfection’ some accounts portray. They look like they are living the dream. Perfectly coiffured at all times, immaculate, contoured and sporting all the latest trends.

I’m perfectly imperfect and I’m certainly not living the dream. I’m Currently sat in mis-matched pjs with unbrushed hair. I’ve been like that most of the day. I’m a little messy around the edges if the truth be known.

Maybe I’m over-thinking things but some days it’s not enough to post an #ootd or some beauty bits. I feel like I’m cheating you.

Some days I just want to tell you how it really is. What’s really happening behind my squares.

I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, I want you to relate. Continue reading

Dear Mum …

I’ve started writing this letter a couple of times over the past week. Truth be known I didn’t  really know where to start.

You know me …

Head like scrambled eggs. 

Tendency to ramble. 

I suppose the beginning would be a good place. Tuesday 15th December 1970 at 6.15am when I popped into your world [like a little ray of sunshine] and you held me in your arms for the first time .

The first time I met you Mum. That special bond was set. Though of course I didn’t realise it at the time !
wpid-img_20150621_105944.jpg Continue reading