Stay Gold …

“Nature’s first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold. Her early leafs a flower, but only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf, so Eden sank to grief. So dawn goes down to day, nothing gold can stay” Robert Frost

November nights are drawing in. It’s icy cold outside and dark by 4pm. Its officially ‘life by candle light’ time of year.

My favourite.

Don’t you think candle light makes everything look and feel so much more beautiful; magical even. It creates a lovely ambience

[ It drives the BF mental, plays on his chest apparently – an ailment that appears to effect a lot of men …. mmmm]

In a few weeks it will be joined by the glow of the Christmas tree, an angel and a single string of fairy lights that will dance around the fireplace.

Late afternoon everyday on channel 5 its Christmas movie-time. When I can, I make sure everything’s completed before I settle down with my coffee [ preferably loaded with Baileys // or Bally Castle the Aldi cheaper dupe ] and lose myself for an hour or so.

The living room descends into darkness, the flicker of candles and smell of coffee fills the air.

I melt into the arm chair, into pure escapism. I’m temporarily transported back. I’m a young, carefree girl and I believe. I believe in the magic of Christmas, I believe in Santa.

Gold.

I absolutely love Christmas; but this year I’m not running at it with my usual gusto. The usual excited anticipation has been replaced with a sense of the unexpected, dread even. Mums not here for the first time in my 46 years and the thought terrifies me.

I’m fading ,

tarnished…

I am however in my usual up-beat way going to try and enjoy the moments. Ok last week I had a major melt-down. Last week was a bastard. Last week reality hit me like a tonne of bricks and it hurt. A lot.

This is a new week.

A new mind-set.

My heart might not be in it but I intend to decorate the house, write the cards , eat the mince pies. Like I keep quoting … ‘stay gold’ Continue reading

Instagram Finds…you’ll want to know about

Love it or hate it Instagram for the whole is a good place to be.

Little squares to inspire , or be inspired. A place to share your loves and your hates, your fashion finds, beauty essentials, interior goals… a place to be creative. To discover similar creatives…

Let’s just put to the back of our mind the people buying a following, the follow-unfollow game, the crazy algorithm [groan] and the swipe up facility that you can’t access or use until you reach 10k followers ? Why Instagram why?

As well as ‘meeting’ and getting to know some truly fabulous people , I’ve also discovered some really lovely small UK brands. Had it not been for Instagram I might not have done so.

I thought I’d share some of them with you today.

First up is a friend of mine that I didn’t actually discover on here [ little details eh ] we went to college together back in the day, but who you can find on Instagram here. Continue reading

Let’s talk about ‘Our Maureen’…

Our Maureen.

I have so much to say on this subject that I don’t even know where to start. It’s so important, so close to my heart.

This isn’t sponsored, I’ve not been asked to write it and I didn’t get it sent to me free in the post!

It’s for my Mum and every other woman who went through / or is going through what she did. It’s to raise awareness.

So I’ll start with Maureen  …

Who is she?

Maureen [drumroll …] is what I call my vagina , other wise commonly referred too as your muff / tuppence / fanny / pussy / me-me / Mary or Fairy … long story short on a drunken holiday , during a drunken conversation with ‘the girls’ it got christened. Oh how we laughed. Continue reading

Gone … but not forgotten. Mums cancer journey

I’ve ‘hummed and arrhhed’ about posting this for fear of offending people , for fear of coming across depressive. I’m not here to conform, and it is just my thoughts, my musings of the last few months.

I braved it and hit publish.

* * * * * * * *’

As regular readers  will be aware my mum died on July 10th 2017.

The official cause of death Endometrioid Carcinoma of the Upper Vagina and end stage Kidney Disease. 

I was there as she took her last breath.

Just like that … after 2 weeks in palliative care she gave up the good fight.

It took me a while to be able to say it and not feel terrible… but it was a relief.

To see somebody you love who had always been so active –  bed-bound and in pain, with no prospect of getting better is gut-wrenching. The helplessness you feel, the aching, the love, the anger, the sadness … it a real mix of emotion, it’s confusing.

It caused me anxiety, sleepless nights and pangs of guilt. Continue reading

House Style at Chatsworth House

“The joy of dressing is an art “ John Galliano

Yesterday the sun was shining and I spent an amazing afternoon with my friend Sue who shares an equal love for all things fashion when we paid a visit to the House Style Exhibition at Chatsworth House.

I had no intention of blogging about my trip BUT I had my ‘big’camera on me and after walking around, taking photos, lusting after several dresses and generally being ‘gob-smacked ‘ at the majority of items on show I just had to share it with you .

Although the Exhibition ends very shortly there is some good news in that you have until 22nd October, 2017 to go and see it for yourself.

Go, go , go but maybe stick around and read my post first …

The House Style Exhibition demonstrates the power of fashion. It brings to life the captivating individuals from the Cavendish family over five centuries .

  • Bess of Hardwick, one of the most powerful women of the 16th century
  • The 18th century “Empress of Fashion” Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire
  • Adele Astaire, the sister and dance partner of Fred Astaire
  • Deborah Devonshire and Nancy Mitford, two of the Mitford sisters, model Stella Tennant and John F Kennedy’s sister ‘Kick’ Kennedy will also be central to the show

I thought I’d share some of my favourite bits and pieces with you. Continue reading

Desire Under The Elms …and behind the scenes of The Crucible

Last week the Mr and I made a trip to the theatre. We spent a lot of time there when we were meeting up as  ‘just friends’

It’s something we share a mutual love of. I think we are both frustrated performers and he’s definitely a show off. It’s escapism for an hour or so . It’s also the place where I realised I liked him as more than just a friend.

You may all say arrhhhhh …

We were invited to attend the press night of Eugene O’Neills play ‘Desire Under The Elms’ which is on at the Crucible Theatre, Sheffield until October 14th, 2017.

You may or may not have heard of Eugene O’Neil . I’ll not pretend I’m educated. I hadn’t. I have since read a bit about him and his life. This reads like a Greek tragedy itself.

O’Neill was born in 1888 to an alcoholic father and a mother who after child-birth became addicted to morphine. At 22 he attempted suicide. He didn’t succeed but soon after was diagnosed with tuberculosis. It was during this time he committed himself to play-writing. In 1920 his father fell ill and died of cancer, followed closely by his mother. His brother drank himself to death aged just 45.

Chuffing hell …It’s no wonder that death and grief play such a large part in his work.

Desire Under Sun Continue reading

Updates & Beauty Banter…

This blog post is brought to you by a rather discruntled and fed up Tracey.

Since mum left us [ I still can’t say died, it’s far too final and blunt] I’ve been trying really hard to wake up each morning with a smile; to think happy thoughts.

Obviously I’ve not always succeeded and on quite a few days I’ve been in tears before it’s even turned 10.00am. I’m a lady in grieving and I take it this is normal behaviour.

To make matters worse,  today I’ve woken up to a poorly Mollie [ dog ] she’s struggling to walk on her back leg and looks and probably feels the same as me.

Very Fed up.

It’s just another worry I could do without. I love the bones off that little fur lady and couldn’t bear it if anything happened to her. I’m currently sat typing with her next to me, that way I can keep my beady eye on her.

I’ve cried, I’ve had coffee. Normality is resumed… for a few hours anyway.

So anyway today I thought I’d share some beauty products with you. I’ve been using all of these on and off for the past couple of months.

Just to clarify [ I know their are skeptics out there who think Bloggers only feature gifted goods] Non of the products featured were gifted by a brand.

I love them, I buy them and I use them. Simples!

So without sounding like a chuffing record [ I do , I know ! ] the stress from the last few months has really taken a negative toll on my already shitty skin.

A few weeks ago I had a major, MAJOR break out. I’m 46 please stop. Lots of lump, bumps and white heads around my chin and jawline , some of which turned into angry red spots.

Due to lack of sleep I’m hollow and dark under my eyes . I look drained, spotty and knackered. I sound delightful don’t I?

Makeup helps. Thank the lord for makeup!  Continue reading

Charity begins at home … Would you shop at a Charity Shop?

Losing mum to cancer has had a strange effect on us all. While in the most part it’s been bloody shit it has also brought out a positive, determined side in us. A can we do more?… Can we help? …Can we raise awareness? 

Having experienced first hand the scale of this awful disease, the helplessness that we felt , its compelled us to want to do something worth while; try to give back.

I’m considering taking up running [ yes you heard correctly – sofa monster might move yet!? ] so that I can participate in a sponsored run next year. 

The BF and I are constantly thinking of hair brain schemes to help fund raise.

Wing walking‘ has been mentioned a few times but having Cataplexy I doubt it would even get past Health & Safety! Thanks to my ailment I have terrible balance generally … never mind while walking on a chuffing planes wing!

By a weird twist of fate an opportunity arose for my BF to help out at a local Cancer charity shop for the next couple of week-ends. It won’t bring mum back unfortunately BUT it will help raise money for research and maybe, just maybe it will go towards preventing somebody having to through what we have, as a family,  in the future.

Every little helps …

It was his first day working there today , [no drunken Bank Holiday escapades for us] so I popped into see him earlier. 

*Proud girlfriend moment* Continue reading