Sometimes I feel so ‘full’ that I could burst. I’ll look around & see people enjoying themselves; shiny happy people as ‘REM’ coined them.
I feel overcome with a sense of enormous emotion , you know the kind? Warm ,fuzzy and all consuming. You are so glad to be alive, surrounded by the most amazing friends and family . You feel like you could combust with happiness . You want to group hug everybody.
With exactly one week until my 49th birthday I’m here and I get to still enjoy this journey we call life.
Take last night … I get to savour these moments wearing the brightest red lip and shortest flirty LBD. Singing my heart out to Jocelyn Brown , belly laughing , drinking cheap whisky and over-priced cocktails that are mostly ice. Talking to strangers about boxing. Surprise my friends that I even know anything about boxing? Bore my friends about boxing ! See people I’ve not seen for ages and share over- familiar alcohol induced hugs in toilets that have seen far better days and smell of fresh sick
Sometimes when I’m in such a good place I’ll feel myself welling up … cheated and angry at the world .
Tonight though my Mum is with me and she’s having non of it … “look how far you’ve come”. I can see her beautiful face; she’s whispering to me from my sub-conscious “You’ve had your heart broken into a thousand pieces, yet you still manage to smile, more importantly you make other people smile. That lady at work today who told you your smile keeps her going, she wasn’t paid to say that. Each one of us has the ability to make or break somebodies day … be the one to make it.
You’ve got one life, it’s ok to be sad but it’s even better to live with sadness by your side as a friend not an enemy. You lost the one thing you thought you couldn’t live without … yet here you are doing exactly that … living.
Your sadness, although one you’d rather not have experienced, gives you a strength you never knew you had. Tonight my lovely I want you to dance your heart out . Dance because you can …dance because you love too. Dance like nobody is watching.
Dance knowing that although I’m not physically with you … I am always with you … in the smiles of strangers , in laughter , kind eyes, Christmas films, Baileys coffees … and always, always in your heart
Tonight Tracey you’ll be dancing for the both of us ” 💗