B E A U T Y | masking

Good afternoon, how are we all today?

I’m sat here patiently waiting for Boris to advise whether Sheffield is one of the cities about to go into further lockdown . I’ve so far sat through a press conference where some medical guys who blew my mind with science. I found myself drifting … mid 6th graph I started to ponder just how many masks I’d be able to do if we are! It’s not much … but it’s a little positive and I guess we have to take them when and where we can.

I do LOVE a pamper in the form of a long bubble bath and a good face mask, especially as the nights turn colder and we are under darkness at 4pm. Masking by a candle lit bath – bliss. Baby it might be cold outside but I’m just dandy thankyou

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L I F E | pistachio …

I have a yearning to travel again; explore new places. To sit in hidden coffee bars that smell of tobacco, sun oil and ‘Brut’ . Places where nobody speaks English . Sipping coffee, watching the world go by.

To lie on sandy beaches where the only thing I have to worry about is whether I’ve shaved my legs, reapplying my sun lotion and what to eat next.

To drink over-priced cheap alcohol and dance to Euro ‘clappy clappy’ songs well into the early hours.

Make and collect new memories

When mum died I felt like a huge part of me died too . Travel … life in general lost its flavour. I was vanilla in a pistachio world. I just wanted my mum and hated the world for taking her from me.

I still think about my mum every single day. Some days it’s just a fleeting memory. Some days it feels as though I’m punishing myself and everything resonates back to her

It will be 3 years in July since she died, the fact that I’ve not spoken to or held her for that long is unfathomable. So much has happened over those 3 years. Stuff that she has not been a part of. Yet weirdly I like to believe that she hasn’t missed out on anything because I carry her everywhere with me

She is my smile and dark sense of humour. I can hear her in my mucky laugh and see glimpses of her in my reflection . She is my mischievous side. The way my bum looks flat and square in my work trousers and my overly wrinkly hands. She is the way I curse at everyone and everybody in the car . She is coffee and a slice of carrot cake …my love of fun … Kitchen discos and party games

She is very much alive; she is part of me and she’s telling me it’s time for some pistachio 💕

L I F E | dancing for the both of us …

Sometimes I feel so ‘full’ that I could burst. I’ll look around & see people enjoying themselves; shiny happy people as ‘REM’ coined them.

I feel overcome with a sense of enormous emotion , you know the kind? Warm ,fuzzy and all consuming. You are so glad to be alive, surrounded by the most amazing friends and family . You feel like you could combust with happiness . You want to group hug everybody.

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LIFE | Charlestown and goodbyes …

I love Cornwall…

I , along with my Dad, Boyfriend and Mollie our dog , visited last September for the first time in a long, long time.

Our base was a beautiful house that belonged to ones of Dads friends in Carbis Bay. The views were amazing and on a good day you’d be forgiven for thinking you where in the Caribbean. Glorious.

As we had access to a car we took advantage and travelled around the area.

Amongst other places we visited Charlestown which was one of Mums favourite places in Cornwall. She and Dad spent quite a few holidays there. By themselves, with Nan and Grandad, with Dads brother and his family, who live down there.

It is situated on the outskirts of St. Austell on the south coast of Cornwall. It’s an unspoilt, purpose-built harbour. It’s been used as a film location for recent credits such as Tom Hardy’s Taboo and Poldark.

It’s definitely worth a visit if you’re in Cornwall.

Pretty pastel houses line and look down onto the harbour. There are various pubs and cafes to sit , rest your legs and take it all in… maybe indulge in a cheeky Cornish cream tea. There’s also a little pebble beach that DID let dogs on. [I say did, as a lot can change in a year.] The majority of beaches in Cornwall don’t allow them on so it was a welcome sight, especially for our giddy dog Mollie who adores beaches and swimming in the sea. I swear she was a fish in a former life.

Charlestown is a beautiful spot and it will always hold a special place in my heart as it’s where we said our final good byes to Mum.

My Boyfriend and I climbed the steep hill that looked out across the sea. We stood there for a moment to compose ourselves. We each said a few words then we threw her ashes into the wind.

With tears in our eyes we let her go.

We set her spirit free …

I hope you’ve travelled far mum; to the moon and back .

I miss you terribly but I hope you are finally at peace 💗

Tracey x

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Further reading about our trip to Cornwall // HERE

MUSINGS | adjusting my sails

It’s funny how things change isn’t it?

I used to spend every Saturday morning having coffee and putting the world to rights with my Mum. We would sit and chat ; happy in each other’s company. I used to look forward to our few hours together. Talking about everything and nothing.

Mum & Daughter time 💗

Saturday mornings these days are spent with my Dad in Sainsbury’s . I take him for his weekly ‘big’ shop, to make sure he’s eating and to have a little chat as we wander aimlessly up and down the aisles.

While I’d move heaven, earth and more to turn back the clock and have a coffee with Mum, hear her laughter, see her beautiful smile, give her a cuddle … I kinda appreciate the time I’m spending with my Dad, even if it is only deciding which ‘ready meal’ he should have…

Life is a whole load of highs and lows, good times and bad . I guess we move through life adjusting to our circumstances … even when sometimes we don’t want too.

If there’s one piece of advice I could give you it’s this:

Thrive in the good times, make lots of beautiful memories and love unconditionally ; believe me these will help you get through the low and sad times .

If you’re really lucky you’ll find it brings you closer to someone you’ve known all your life …

Your Dad 💗

x

Today’s post is actually something I wrote on Instagram earlier but felt I wanted to share on here too …