5 Y E A R S …

5  Y E A R S •  ago on 10th July 2017 at just after 3.30pm with dad & I sat by her side, my mum died.

She had been in palliative care for 2 weeks but she did not open her eyes or speak for the last 4 days of her life. I spent every day with her. I would brush her hair, wet wipe her face & apply skincare ; always finishing off with a coral red lippie [ her wishes ]

I would sit and hold her hand. I drank enough coffee to sink a ship & lived on a diet of Portuguese tarts. I’d tell her what was happening on ‘Homes Under The Hammer’ [ her favourite]  , I love you’s [ I think I told her every hour]  and sang to her. Normally it would be ” Out of Time ” by Chris Farlow. She loved to sing that on karaoke with her partners in crime – Ann Bailey  & Angela Stringer . The palliative care nurses assured me that your hearing was the last of your senses to go. I often feel bad that she had to endure my singing during her last hours, but at least she would have known she was not alone.

My mum dying is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I guess to an extent I am still dealing with it . What I’d do to hear her voice; contagious laugh. To give her a massive cuddle. 

My grief however is different these days . I don’t wake up anymore feeling physically sick . It is quieter, gentler . At times it catches me off guard but I’ve made friends with it. I guess until the day I die it’ll be there so we may as well try & come to some sort of compromise – be kind to each other.

I know not everyone has the special relationship my mum and I had. Mark Herring & I were so lucky. She was one in a million & while I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy; it was a privilege to be able to sit with her while she died. Say goodbye. Say our last” I love you’s”. No stone left unturned.  Not everyone gets that opportunity, so for that I’ll always be thankful.

For those of you  that knew my Mum I hope you’ll join us on Sunday; raise your glass – toast her memory.  Even if you didn’t know her I hope you’ll join us …. She would have loved that would our Peggy. Never one to let an opportunity for a party pass …

To the moon & back Mum  x x x

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