L I F E • yesterday my mum would have been 76

It was my Mum’s birthday yesterday. She would have been a beautiful 76 year old.

I don’t know why I find birthdays so hard , I guess it’s another year older … or in our case another year without her.

Before I go any further these posts are never meant to be mordly or written for sympathy , it’s just me telling you what’s going off in my head. I really am fine, I’m not depressed. I’m still singing into my hairbrush for Tik Tok and dancing around my bedroom like a woman possessed.

I am still trying to live life to its fullest, I just miss my mum and it’s as simple as that.

You can do both.

I like to think that by sharing my experiences on here then maybe somebody else whose feeling the same way might read them and won’t feel so alone with their grief.

A while back a ‘friend’ [said very, very loosely] turned around and made a flippant remark ” Anybody would think Tracey was the only Person to have lost a parent to cancer the way she goes on ” I know nice eh? The way she goes on….I’ll give them the way she fecking goes on ! That comment cut like a knife and everytime I write or mention my mum, out of all the lovely messages I receive, it’s the one I remember. Sometimes I don’t post – injured by an invisible knife.

I talk about my mum because [like I said previously] I miss her every single day . Talking keeps her alive – why would anybody stop talking about something they love?

In the 4 years since she died I can’t recall a day when she’s not entered my thoughts. For me talking and sharing is my therapy. My talking about my mum and her cancer doesn’t take anything away from anyone else and their pain. Believe me I feel your pain. I’m just ,as I’m often referred to a gobby northerner , an open book. One who wears her heart on her sleeve. I know there are 1000’s and 1000’s of people like me who have lost a loved one.

So today I’m raising a big glass of Gin to you all. Gin was my Mums favourite tipple.

Here’s to all those who have lost someone recently. To those like me where it’s been a few years … and to those whose loss feels like it’s been forever.

We love them.
We miss them.
But we will be ok ,
Our memories and their love will see us through.

Happy Birthday Mum 💗💗

I do hope you are dancing on a cloud with David Bowie & George Micheal xx

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