I’ve been thinking about the past year and how surreal those past months all seem.
I’m thinking about life … and death. Especially death [ bear with me it gets lighter ] and how ‘weird’ it is to get your head around which may sound odd; but sometimes I have to remind myself that mums dead. I have such vivid dreams about her that some mornings I wake up and for a few minutes everything is like it was before. Momentarily my life’s complete again ; it’s more or less perfect.
I’ve started writing this letter a couple of times over the past week. Truth be known I didn’t really know where to start.
You know me …
Head like scrambled eggs.
Tendency to ramble.
I suppose the beginning would be a good place. Tuesday 15th December 1970 at 6.15am when I popped into your world [like a little ray of sunshine] and you held me in your arms for the first time .
The first time I met you Mum. That special bond was set. Though of course I didn’t realise it at the time !
Continue reading
It’s that time of year when I start to think about booking a holiday somewhere faraway, a new place to discover which is hopefully very HOT!
It’s that time of year I tell myself I really should start to diet incase I book the afore-mentioned holiday and have to bear the old bod.
God forbid it’s any time soon I look like a bloody beached whale! [ one that’s in need of a desperate slick of false tan and some serious toning up]
It’s the time of year I long for and envisage the sun on my face [wearing nothing less than factor 50+ of course ]
It’s the time of year that I actually make an effort and shave my legs ! It’s been a while. I’m not sure ‘leg hair plaits’ are a thing … just yet !
It’s the time of year when snow drops and daffodils start randomly popping up , the sun rears it lovely head [occasionally] and little lambs are spotted jumping playfully around the fields. [ this is the very reason I stopped eating lamb, I could never quite get that image out of my head. It kinda spoilt my meat and two veg! ]
This week we actually experienced a couple of days of sunshine and you know what … it felt good. It actually felt like spring had sprung.
So what better way to carry on the spring feeling than with a session of laughter yoga at Meadowhall.
Which is exactly what Sue & I did this morning. Continue reading
I saw this quote …
Which got me thinking…( oh oh)
When I was younger I wanted to take over the world… I think most of us do.
I was happy (mostly) but always thought I was meant for better things. You know the grass is greener etc.
Sometimes I didn’t appreciate the moment because I was already looking / moving onto the next.
I had ambitions -to have a fabulous job, earn loads of money, travel, write a book and find the perfect man. Preferably a very handsome one with a good job and a big house.
In reality I worked at the same company for 14 years. Which was probably 10 years too long!
I did o.k . I worked my way up from Receptionist to Office Manager earning an average wage. Continue reading
This post is brought to you by false tan ( in anticipation that I might go bare-legged anytime soon?) and a shed load of Easter eggs. If I didn’t know better with the current size of my tummy I’d recon I was about 4 months pregnant.
Mum don’t get the banners out … I’m not. Honestly. I’m not.
I’m just a chocolate monster who appears to be retaining chocolate, in the same vein that ‘normal’ ladies retain water before their period .
Anyway it’s been a while…in the blogging world anyway .
How you doing ? (this must be read in a Joey from Friends voice)
Basically I’ve been out of sorts and quite frankly exhausted (I’m on prescription Vitamin D and Iron tablets and keep forgetting to take them) I’ve been sleeping a hell of a lot and I’m sick of the house looking and feeling like a building site.
Good news though … we have what resembles a kitchen. We have a fridge freezer people . We have a fridge freezer! It’s been a while (November) and yes I can often be found just looking at it longingly . Yes, yes… I may have even stroked it a few times.
So today I thought I would update you on a few things, mainly my current skincare routine. Continue reading
Dad – “Can you take a bloody photo, or not?” ( rolls eyes and gives me that look)
Me – “Of course I can…but“
Dad – “No buts, stop being silly. You don’t suddenly loose your ability just because your put on the spot. You’ve always been the same.”
He’s got a point and yes I have always been the same…
Lack of confidence has played a big part in the things I should have done, but didn’t ! To this date I still regret not following up a potential position / interview as a weather girl for the local TV station!
I feel like I’ve been having this same conversation with dad for the past 40 years.
Confidence… It’s a funny old thing; one I don’t possess a lot of though admittedly I’m a hell of a lot better than I used to be.
I drive my father mad.
So what triggered my panic off this time?
Just a simple little text from the bride to be asking whether I would step in and take some wedding pics. This was received just as I was about to set off for her wedding! No biggy there then; the ‘proper’ photographer had called in sick.
I bundled my numerous second-hand cameras, chargers and leads into my bag, just as mum and dad pulled into my driveway to pick me up and drop me off.
I looked like the ‘bag lady’ of the photography world with everything shoved in a Boss shopping bag.- that didn’t match my outfit. The battery on my Olympus camera ( fondly referred too as my big camera) was being held in with a piece of manky cello-tape, all my lens covers appeared to have disappeared and the wasn’t a camera case in sight…
The saving grace… I was wearing a beautiful lace dress by Ted Baker, and my hair didn’t look like a mushroom.
I sat in the back of the car for the 40 minute journey from mine to Fischers at Baslow letting self-doubt try and move in.
Yes, I felt nervous but after a quick pet talk from dad, a king size Yorkie and a large coffee, I was feeling decidedly excited.
So what if I only got one decent shot ; it would be one shot more than they would have got had I not said yes. It was an honour that they felt I could do it and as I wasn’t taking any payment there really was no pressure … these days everybody has a mobile and would be taking pics…
Plus I told myself… You can do this! I may not be James Bailey but I can take a decent piccy, even if I say so myself.
The moral of my little tale?
Sometimes we need to be chucked in at the deep-end, otherwise we may never jump…we might doggy paddle for a while before we find our stroke but by golly do we feel fabulous when we do.
I had a ball.
Creating beautiful images is something I love and try to do on a daily basis.
Capturing a special day, a special moment is extremely precious (especially when it’s one of you best friends) after-all it’s not something you do every day.
Would I do it again?
I’m far from being anywhere near a professional, I need loads more practice, a new camera with several lenses but… you just try and stop me!
My friend is extremely private and therefore they’ll be no pics unfortunately, just some arty farty ones I took.
I’ll ask her nicely when she gets back off her Honeymoon if I can post any pics of the happy couple but until then here’s some cake and champagne.
Let me know what you think to my efforts? Do you suffer from lack of confidence and how do you conquer it? I’d love to hear.
Until next time, Tracey x.
