I’ve been thinking about the past year and how surreal those past months all seem.
I’m thinking about life … and death. Especially death [ bear with me it gets lighter ] and how ‘weird’ it is to get your head around which may sound odd; but sometimes I have to remind myself that mums dead. I have such vivid dreams about her that some mornings I wake up and for a few minutes everything is like it was before. Momentarily my life’s complete again ; it’s more or less perfect.
The reality that’s she’s not here hits me just as hard each time. A punch in the gut , that horrible sinking feeling . But I get up and just as I promised her I go about my daily business mostly smiling, sometimes crying, with her words in my head and picturing her beautiful face. “I’ve had a full and wonderful life , now you go and have yours” [ which I still can’t type without crying because she was days away from dying and I couldn’t bear it] .
Anyway , tears aside what I really want to convey in this post without sounding all preachy and tedious is life really is a gift and non of us know what is around the corner. I have a new appreciation for lots of things, the little things mostly …. unexpected cards from friends just to check that you are ok. Flowers from my dad . A package from a PR lady you’ve never met because she has heard you have been unwell.
Random acts of kindness make my heart burst…. as does a beautiful sunset … but you already know that.
“There’s a sunrise and a sunset every single day, and they’re absolutely free. Don’t miss so many of them.” Jo Walton
Lyrics, poetry … I engross and lose myself in words. Words that seemingly hold so much more meaning now.
Basically what I’m saying is we get so wrapped up in all the shit and trivia that sometimes-we forget the important stuff.
We neglect friendships; we take them for granted. I’ve actually rang a couple of my best friends this morning , just to say hello and for a quick catch up.
It felt good. I’ve not giggled so much in weeks … because that’s the thing with friends. They are your friends for a reason …they get you, you get them. They know what makes you tick and they make you bloody smile. Most importantly they don’t judge you.
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked” – Bernard Meltzer
The suns out. I’m smiling. I feel loved and it feels good.
I got this.