I saw this quote …

Which got me thinking…( oh oh)

When I was younger I wanted to take over the world… I think most of us do.

I was happy (mostly) but always thought I was meant for better things. You know the grass is greener etc.

Sometimes I didn’t appreciate the moment because I was already looking / moving onto the next.

I had ambitions -to have a fabulous job, earn loads of money, travel, write a book and find the perfect man. Preferably a very handsome one with a good job and a big house.

In reality I worked at the same company for 14 years. Which was probably 10 years too long!

I did o.k . I worked my way up from Receptionist to Office Manager earning an average wage.

The role may have sounded quite glam. It wasn’t.  All I seemingly did was make coffee 24/7 for everybody and their mothers and wash up dirty pots .There wasn’t  much office managing going on to be honest. Glorified cleaner would have been more fitting!

Your probably wondering why I stayed so long? It felt safe, I lacked confidence, I had some great friends nada nada …

Towards the end of my time there I hated it but myself more . I was bored, felt undermined and bloody useless.

I’d lost all my confidence in my ability . Redundancy ( voluntary I might add) gave me the kick I needed.

I left with ( my beloved Fiat Punto) a few great friends and my dignity just about in tact.

Don’t get me wrong I fully support ambition; striving to be better. To this day I still try and learn something new everyday…

It’s just good to take stock every now and again, sit back, have a look around and appreciate what you already have. 

I used to think about it like this – if they want to pay me ££££’s to make coffee all day , more fool them. Yes it maybe shitty (at times) BUT Outside of work I had great family and friends. It paid for my fabulous clothes, skin peels and weekends away.

Style-wise – in my mindset – I’d swan around Sheffield like ‘ Carrie Bradshaw ‘ I’d don the most fabulous outfits, sip expensive cocktails and have men falling at my feet.

Instead I was the woman scuttling around town with her head down . The one who hadn’t quite found her style, confidence or how to express herself.

The one who many moons ago wore tartan hot pants, red tights with pixie boots and got laughed at by a group of guys I was trying to impress.

Instead of embracing the look ( like Carrie would and how I would have done today) I tried to hide ( behind pillars, by sitting down)

I never wore the outfit again. It was bloody fabulous too.

The only men falling at my feet where those stumbling out of Isabella’s pissed as farts!

******

I learnt the hard way that you can’t help who you fall in love with. (I say fall in love very lightly …) and they definitely aren’t always handsome.

I can remember one of guys I was seeing (after my marriage broke up) came to meet me and treat  me to lunch.

I say treat me to lunch lightly too. I ended up paying & the chuff half-inched most of my food too.

When I got back to work , my boss asked me in-between   the laughter who the ‘Freddie Crugor’ look-a-like was?!

Looking back I see the resemblance *giggles*

I can’t even use the excuse that he had a nice personality. He didn’t. To make matters worse he was also as tight as a ducks arse . Something I hate with a passion.

Again your probably asking why ? What can I say  I’ve made loads of mistakes over my 45 years. He was just one of many. I was obviously in a ‘funny place’ and /or feeling desperate, I didn’t feel that I deserved any better.

Of course I deserved better!

******

So where am I going with my usual waffles … 

You do live and you certainly learn. 

You’ll kiss a lot of frogs until you find your prince or princess. Enjoy the ride but never just settle! 

You can be individual  or can you look like everybody else. Which ever path you follow. Work it baby. Confidence is your best accessory.

With age comes the realisation that sometimes you already have the stuff that really matters. 

It’s not about whose got what … it’s about being happy with what you’ve got.

It’s not about where everybody else is going … It’s about being happy with where you are going. 

It’s about loving yourself warts n all and taking the most from each and every day.

******

My Happy

the smell of fresh coffee • carrot cake • fresh linen • belly laughs • friends  • waking up with the sunshine beaming through the window • seeing my mum laugh • snow fall on Christmas Day • walking Mollie in the woods • my own bed • black and white classic movies • swimming in the sea • the smell that hits you when you get off the plane in foreign climes • discovering new cities • hugs • champagne • girlie weekends away • good eyebrow days • vanilla slices • feeling the sand between your toes and the sun on your back • Singing in the car • jelly and ice-cream • paddling in the sea • whisky and coke • breakfast in bed• beans on toast •sunsets  • the Mr • a bunch of flowers • lazy mornings watching ‘Murder She Wrote’• a room with a glorious view . bubble baths

What’s your happy?

Tracey x