Hey Up Mum …
How is life up there on your cloud?
Can you remember Monkey Magic [ how could you forget it was Mark & I favourite programme! ] Well that’s how I like to envisage you … zapping around on your super-powered – all singing -all dancing cloud
It’s been a funny old year. My 50th and your 75th year – the BIG one’s that we had discussed and made plans for on numerous occasions has turned into a bit of a ‘shit show’ Continue reading
I wasn’t sure whether to write this post . I fear I’m just going over the same old ground, repeating myself … but then that’s grief for you. You are constantly reliving moments , remembering and dealing with them. How you felt at the time. How you feel now. I guess that’s what it will be like forever … only maybe [ and hopefully] not so raw?
Firstly there is nothing pretty about death. It is what it is …
Death is an all-consuming sadness , it’s dark and it’s morbid. It’s feeling constantly sick and not being able to catch your breath. Death is final.
Our memories however… they don’t have to be. Our memories can be whatever we want them to be – fluffy, bright pink and vibrant just-like the person whose passed .
How’s that saying go…. “there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel”. I figure I’m still in my tunnel , bumbling around in the dark. Somewhere in the middle, scrapping away and searching for answers. I occasionally catch glimpses but mostly I’m still in darkness grabbing the light where I can.
On July 10th it will be a year … 365 days … 52 weeks … since we lost my mum. Vicious, beautiful, full of life. She was 72 and taken far too early .
Cancer is one cruel bastard.
It’s been a funny old day…
Funerals make you reflective don’t they? They are beautiful , yet tremendously sad at the same time. We’ve been to say goodbye to one of my best friends mums today. It’s never easy but it was a lovely service . For me the Vicar summed it up perfectly – her words resonated. She said on your grave stone amongst other things will be engraved your date of birth – the day you departed [for example 1928 – 2017] but oh what meaning that little dash holds. Make your dash as for-filled as possible.
She’s right isn’t she? That little dash represents your life. What will yours say? Continue reading
It kind of went along these lines.
” Hi girls …I have lots of Pago Juice to sample. How does Saturday night at mine sound. We can add alcohol and make cocktails “
I knew I’d got them at cocktails.
Party ready …
So that’s exactly what we did last night, just the 4 of us – Karen, Rachel, Lisa and myself .
It’s Mother’s Day at the end of the month [ Sunday March 26th put it in the diary …I’m early ]
This year I intend to make Mother’s Day extra, extra special because she deserves it.
Then again don’t all mums?!
I count myself lucky as Mum and I have a special relationship and are extremely close.
Of course we sometimes disagree this isn’t a Disney film ,but the days of full on arguing [ I’m thinking of the 16 year old prepubescent Tracey days ] are over. Continue reading
LIFE …
I’m not going to lie to you my mojo is shot. I feel as though I’ve aged 10 years , and then some, overnight [ which at my age isn’t good]
Truth be known I’m a big blubbering mess.
The news mums cancer is back has hit us all for 6 and we are trying to get our heads around it, while remaining strong … for mum.
It’s bloody hard.
Of course I worry constantly about mum. I also worry about dad, I worry about my brother. I worry about my BF. I selfishly worry about myself.
I’m still processing the news which is tough because I quite honestly don’t want to. When I do it means it’s real and I don’t want it to be real.
Reality sucks.
Fecking cancer …
Hopefully it’s treatable but only time will tell. It’s shit, I feel helpless. I hate that my beautiful mum is ill again.
I find writing helps [and walking] , so normal service will carry on… for the time-being anyway. It might just be a bit more rambly than usual.
I might cry , so it’s a good job this isn’t being written on paper ! [ just wipe the screen]
With that in mind and to stop me thinking about mum for a while … here’s a post detailing some of my favourite products and what I’ve been up to this /last month. Continue reading