“The Church is not an automobile showroom – a place to put ourselves on display so that others can admire our spirituality, capacity, or prosperity. It  is more like a service center, where vehicles in need of repair come for maintenance and rehabilitation ” Dieter F Utchtdorf

Every time I venture to a new place one of the first things I do is seek out the local church

It’s something I’ve always done … ever since I was a little kid with dirty finger nails and scuffed knees . It was my thing.

I was always in awe of their grandeur and beauty. I explored churches and marked toilets out of 10. Anything that scored under a 7 and my mum would steer clear. I guess I came in useful for somethings

Since losing my mum I find a strange sense of peace when I’m in a church. It’s crippling sadness but uplifting at the same time… I feel closer to her, but my loss is much more evident.

I still marvel at the architecture, the beauty of a stained glass window and I light a candle for Mum …or rather when I’m in Spain I stick a Euro in the machine and a candle lights up … which makes me giggle.

It’s something I know Mum would have found amusing too. Racheal put a Euro in the box this year and a full row of candles lit up … it was like getting a full line at bingo

In Spain you can drive tractors down the high street [ I know … one nearly hit us this year !] the pavements are all over the place , with holes and trip hazards everywhere … yet you can’t light a candle ? It’s a world gone crazy .

I collect my thoughts.

Just like the sea sometimes I’m calm and collected . Other times the waves come crashing down, a wave of emotion engulfs me and the tears start .

I give myself a moment, compose myself and get ready to face the rest of the day.

It’s a strange place to be …

I don’t want to be here …

and while it’s not really getting any easier I do try and look for rainbows when it rains and stars in the darkness

Little signs that mum is still there

Still watching over me 💗