Love Conquers all …

I went to see mum earlier.

My brave, beautiful, strong mum. The lady who doesn’t deserve what the past 5 years have thrown at her.

We looked at each other, hugged, then both burst out crying. I hung on to her frail little body like my life depended on it.

Most days I’m strong.  Strong for mum.

I put ‘it’ (mums ill-health) to the back of my mind. I carry on regardless. People think I’m happy go-lucky. Basically I’m coping the only way I know how.

Today however I’m feeling vulnerable.

It’s hard putting a brave face on things all the time.

It’s tiring.

I’m tired.

That said, I refuse this to be a ‘woe is me’ piece. 

This is not going to be a tale of misery this is a tale about a lady who refuses to give up and a long running love story .

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt over the past 5 years it is that life is precious.

Positivity breeds positivity .

That we are stronger than we think.

That (cheesy as it might sound) love really does concur all.

*****

My mum was diagnosed with cancer of the womb, like I said 5 years ago.

The treatment has savaged her body. It’s resulted in her having to wear an Urostomy bag and with only 1 kidney. This kidney isn’t upto much, to be honest it’s hardly working. It’s a dud.

3 months ago she started on her next milestone.

Dialysis ( a process that cleans your blood and removes toxins from your body when your kidney is no longer able to do it.)

Things looked a lot brighter. Ok so she was having to visit hospital 3 times a week for her four-hour dialysis sessions but it was worth it.

Boring but essential.

On Friday last week the nurse ‘bumped’ her Fistula (a surgically enlarged vein that provides access to the bloodstream)  , her arm swelled to the size of a melon and they couldn’t perform dialysis.

This sent mum into a state of panic. She cried on the nurses.

Broken again.

She was sent home and they reassured her everything would be ok.

It wasn’t.

On Monday they turned her away again . The fistula had stopped working altogether. It was clotting and beyond repair.

Today she goes back to hospital for emergency surgery .

The thing is once you start dialysis you have to keep it up. Your kidney is no longer strong enough to do its job; the dialysis has taken over.

There is talk of them going through her neck. Basically taking the blood and cleaning it from there. This would mean her having 3 little wires hanging out of the neck permanently.

Yep think about it ladies. Even the least vain of us must shudder at the thought.

We’ve all got our fingers crossed that they can sort it by other means and that this is a last resort . But like I told mum earlier, I’d rather have her here with bloody wires hanging from her neck than not here at all.

She cried… again.

*****

Then there’s my dad.

I think people forget he’s 72, that it’s as hard for him to sit and watch; as helpless as the rest of us.

Mum was the life and soul of the party , always up for a laugh. Always smiling and getting into mischief.

She still is but she’s more cautious. Little things become big things. She’s lost all her confidence. Basically she’s scared.

Dad often confides in me. He like me smiles but his eyes say it all. His eyes are sad.

He tells me he doesn’t understand why she is being put-through  all this. I tell him I don’t either.

He says she doesn’t deserve it. I nod in agreement.

He questions how much more she can endure? I shrug my shoulders.

He loves her with all his heart. That’s plain for anybody to see. They’ve got a special bond. They complete each other.

Peggy and Pete.

Mum and dad.

wpid-img_20150621_102736.jpg

He loves her with all her  scars, her wee bag , her dodgy kidney; with wires hanging from her neck.

If there’s one thing I know for certain it is that he loves her unconditionally, through thick and thin, sickness and health… till death do them part.

He would honestly move heaven and earth for her, and then some more. She’s so very unlucky … but at the same time so very lucky. That’s a rare thing.

This man , my dad, has her back no matter what .

He recently said to me “they can chop her and change her all they want but that’s still my Peggy…”

And that …

Well that’s enough for us all to get up and fight another day

Tracey x

.

 

25 thoughts on “Love Conquers all …

  1. Karen says:

    I have tears rolling down my checks, I’m sending you all the biggest hug …xxx I’m here for you too whenever you need a moment xxxx

  2. Jayne phillips says:

    You and your Mum are both strong ladies and I send my love and thoughts to you. I don’t comment often ( fighting my own battles with the after effects of breast cancer) and a very compromised immune system but had to reach out to you. Sometimes it’s one step forwards and two steps back . Thinking of you both xx

    • lizandtracey says:

      Oh I’m sorry to hear that Jayne.Thankyou for taking time to read and then comment… every single comment means absolutely loads to me. I hope your recovery is a smooth one. Much love, Tracey xx

  3. Zoe Borrowdale says:

    So sorry to read this. I think in a similar way to Jaynes comment.
    1 step forward,
    2 steps back but make sure those single steps forward are full of smiles

    • lizandtracey says:

      Thankyou lovely lady. My mum is a sensitive soul and doesn’t deserve this but she refuses to let it get her down. Thankyou for reading and taking the time to comment xx

  4. RACHEL TURONE says:

    Oh my goodness Tracey, Tears streaming down my face, You are so lucky to have such wonderful loyal loving parents. True love is wonderful to see and what they have is magnificent and nothing will ever take that away or change it. Thank you for sharing this, you are a remarkable lady yourself sweetie. BIG HUGS XXX

    • lizandtracey says:

      Thankyou Rachel and sorry it’s taken so long to reply ! My parents are amazing and family means everything to me. Mums currently looking and feeling great and being very positive which is great to see. I hope it continues. Thankyou for taking the time to leave a comment xxx

  5. Bean says:

    Oh darling, my heart broke a little more with every new sentance: it must be hard to stay strong but you know, life is just sh!tty and senseless sometimes. I’m so very sorry you are all going through this but sending you much love & positivity xx

  6. Sam Kersley says:

    I don’t even know what to put other than this made me cry for you and your family. My father-in-law is currently battling stage 4 lymphoma, we don’t know the out come. I understand a little of how you must be felling #bestandworst

    • lizandtracey says:

      Thankyou Sam, Firstly I’m so sorry to hear about your father in law. I will think positive thoughts and send them your way.
      Mums currently in a good place and very positive, it’s great to see. Tracey x

  7. Jakijellz says:

    Tears in my eyes reading this. I am so sorry for all that your family are going through. My Mum battled Cancer last year and so know first hand how hard it can be. But the ongoing treatment for your poor Mum sounds like a whole different ball game. It is obviously hard for the patient but I understand how hard it is for the loved ones too. The feeling of helplessness is the hardest and the pain of seeing their fear and worry. I wish you all well and hope the surgery was successful. All the best to you and your family. Stay strong xx #BestAndWorst

    • lizandtracey says:

      Thankyou so much for reading and taking the time to comment … And sorry it’s taken so long to reply!

      I’m sorry to hear that your mum has also been unwell, it’s bloody awful to have to sit and watch, feeling helpless st times. Luckily mums currently feeling really positive and surprisingly well which is always great to see. Let’s hope it continues. Thankyou Tracey xx

  8. ourrachblogs says:

    Oh my god, this had me in bits. What an incredibly poignant, well written and emotive piece of writing. Both my parents have had cancer and it was an incredibly difficult time, to see them change so much and get so poorly was probably the worst experience of my life and certainly theirs. Your family are in my thoughts and I hope you find writing cathartic because I certainly do. #brillblogposts

    • lizandtracey says:

      Thankyou Rachel, firstly I am so sorry to hear that both your parents have been affected by cancer. Its awful to sit and watch people you love suffering. Mums currently feeling very positive and is in great spirits which is always great to see … And yes I release a lot of ’emotion/frustration ‘ through my writing . I’m just glad that people have taken the time to read and comment , it means a lot. Tracey X

    • lizandtracey says:

      Thankyou so much for reading and then taking the time to comment. Mums currently feeling very strong & positive which is great to see. Family means everything to me x

  9. Jackie Housley says:

    What a moving piece – beautifully written – such heartache but you’re all trying to be so strong for each other. What an amazing family you all are. Fingers crossed things get better for your mum.

  10. My Petit Canard says:

    Oh lovely, how awful. For your mum, for your dad, for you all. I know what its like to have a very sick parent and watch them become a shadow of their former self right in front of your eyes. For you to be so grateful that they are still here, but at the same time wonder how much more they can go through. Its so unfair, it really is. I hope that they dont have to find a vein in her neck and find another solution. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Lovely to have you join us. x Emily

    • lizandtracey says:

      Morning Emily, sorry for the late response I’ve been in Spain for a long weekend. It was good to get away with great friends and forget everything for a few days. Back to reality now. Mum is doing good but unfortunately they’ve had to go through her neck ( hopefully only for 6 weeks) Thankyou for your lovely message x

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