Little Steps …

As your probably aware it’s been a whole 4 days since I lost my beautiful mum. 4 days of walking around in a blur.

I’m trying to keep busy, not think too long or too hard. I mostly just feel numb and extremely sad. I cry randomly, my emotions are like a rollercoaster. I enjoy highs and I hit lows.

I want the world to stop. Why are people still laughing and enjoying themselves, don’t they realise my mums just died?  Why isn’t the nation in mourning? Everything is exactly the same as it was before only my mums not here ; my worlds been turned upside down. Nothing for our family will ever be the same again.

Everyday life doesn’t seem real, I have a constant ache in my stomach – it’s like I’ve been punched. I feel empty. Alone. Scared even … but as I’ve been told on numerous occasions “life goes on.”

So here I am, trying to ‘go on‘ little steps at a time … the only way I know how.

By writing.

By sharing …

I’ve started wearing mums wedding ring at all times, it brings me some comfort. She feels close.

I’m scared to death I’ll lose it so if you happen to bump into me and I’m constantly checking my right hand … it’s not some weird ailment. I’m just checking it’s still there.

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Christmas Jumper Inspo…

Christmas …

that magical blanket that wraps itself about us, that something that so intangible it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas maybe a day of feasting, or of prayer, but it will always be a day of remembrance … a day in which we think of everything we have loved…” Augusta E Randal

that and Christmas jumpers. Continue reading

The Alternative Christmas List…(I’m really not after the Miss World title)

Its around this time of year that people start to ask me to compile my Christmas list.

I’m by no means a saint (far from it)  but I always tell them that I’m not bothered; to buy me whatever and to not spend a fortune?

When I was a kid I would  spend hours upon hours dribbling over toys from Kays catalogue making lists galore. Lists on top of lists. Now a days its not so important.

I’ve found recently that Christmas has been about a lot more than just pressies. Of course its always nice to unwrap something special but it’s not the be all and end all. Continue reading

Dress to impress …

The Oscars

all the glitz, all the glamour and of course all the dresses…

not that I was doing anything remotely glamourous – we are still mid throws decorating the living room / having our new kitchen fitted. I’m mainly head to toe in dust and paint. I think I’ve worn the same clothes for the past 3 days! #baglady

I tried to stay awake to watch it all , but dropped off while watching the red carpet arrivals. It takes it out if you this decorating makarky.

Anyway back to dresses ; I love them. I spend most of my life in  jeans and pretty tops  but given half a chance I’d wear a lot more dresses. (though I think I might get some funny looks walking around the supermarket in some of these)

One of my stand-out favourite outfits from the evening had to be Margot Robbie in Tom Ford.

Some might say she resembled an Oscar herself.

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