Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel so deeply.

But then that’s like saying you wish you had never had any feelings , you had never loved. You had never experienced stuff.

If you never, then you’d never …

Some days it’s just hard.

Today was one of those days , BUT it was also joyous.

I met Fred today.

Fred made me smile.

Fred has loved his life. I wish everyone felt like that.

He’s 80 years old and when I asked him if he had any regrets he said he’d not have done anything differently. He had loved his life and he’s bloody enjoyed it.

Refreshing.

Earlier today I bumped into mums best friend for the first time in forever. Anne was larger than life, mad , fun , so very glamorous.

Peggy ( my mum) and Anne = partners in crime .

Anne carries so many memories for me. She is Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. Lamp shades on our heads. Karaoke. She was such good fun; drunken nights out and laughing until we weed ourselves .

Anne has got Alzheimer’s .

She’s still beautiful but she’s quieter … apologetic even . Her eyes however spoke a thousand words . Shes looking at me and she’s saying please see me for who I am.

Anne I see you .

I see you & I bloody love you .

She maybe frail & delicate , but she’s still Anne , mums best friend and she’s here.

Anne recognised me . She said “ Hello Tracey”. I wanted to cry but instead I hugged her. It was like I was hugging mum. I didn’t want to let go , partly because I was having a cataplexy attack but mostly because she’s mums best friend and it felt so familiar

She is 101 memories .

Hugging Anne was the next best thing to hugging mum. I did not want to let go.

Like I say it can be hard at times …

But it’s always worth it.

I let go & I shed a little tear.

I remembered and I smiled

I remembered and I cried.

It’s this crazy thing we call life ❤️

*Puts Thompson Twins on the juke box and dances for us all *