I find that out of all the months of the year December is my favourite. It is also one of the hardest .

My Birthday and Christmas fall within days of each other yet without my Mum around neither feel quite the same. Its lost some of its sparkle.

While everybody is looking forward , I have this alien feeling in the pit of my stomach. Its a difficult one to explain; a mixture of childlike excitement and dread that something awful is about to happen?

Don’t get me wrong I am not a bah-humbug, far from it and I am looking forward to Christmas this year. I put the Christmas tree up last Sunday, which I guess is progress of sorts . Last year I couldn’t face it.

It’s not the best …

I found its dismembered, plastic carcass squashed at the bottom of a box in-amongst a mix-match of cheap looking pink, gold and purple baubles . Baubles I do not recall buying so I’m guessing I inherited them.

I bodged it together with the help of sellotape and sheer willpower . It will do. It is decidedly wonky and leans to one side as though it is about to topple over , some of the branches are limp … but hey … I’m not quite at the buy an all singing, all dancing tree just yet.

As the world seemingly gets more and more materialistic I find myself stepping back from it all . I question whether any of those matter in the big scheme of things?

Does me having a crappy little tree make my Christmas any better , or worse than the lady across the road with her flashy , 6ft fancy tree?

No … the answer is no it doesn’t.

Christmas is much, much more than the size and stature of your tree . It is the festive spirit, happiness ; a celebration and gathering of all the people you love ; your friends and family.

It is remembering Christmas past and all those loved one who are sadly no longer with us.

It is appreciation, treasured memories and heightened emotions.

It is squabbling over who gets to watch what they want to watch on the ‘big’ telly .

It is the smell of roast turkey and farty sprouts wafting around the house.

It is not what’s under your tree that should matter so much as whose sat around it. I think alot of that is sadly lost today with the buy, buy, buy mentality.

Sometimes less is more, stripping it back to basics has it’s benefits … it brings home what really matters.

My mum absolutely loved Christmas and I’m sure given more time I will again.

At the moment however, just like my tree, I am a little bodged together , a work in progress 💗

#missyoumum

Tracey x