Gone … but not forgotten. Mums cancer journey

I’ve ‘hummed and arrhhed’ about posting this for fear of offending people , for fear of coming across depressive. I’m not here to conform, and it is just my thoughts, my musings of the last few months.

I braved it and hit publish.

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As regular readers  will be aware my mum died on July 10th 2017.

The official cause of death Endometrioid Carcinoma of the Upper Vagina and end stage Kidney Disease. 

I was there as she took her last breath.

Just like that … after 2 weeks in palliative care she gave up the good fight.

It took me a while to be able to say it and not feel terrible… but it was a relief.

To see somebody you love who had always been so active –  bed-bound and in pain, with no prospect of getting better is gut-wrenching. The helplessness you feel, the aching, the love, the anger, the sadness … it a real mix of emotion, it’s confusing.

It caused me anxiety, sleepless nights and pangs of guilt. Continue reading

Charity begins at home … Would you shop at a Charity Shop?

Losing mum to cancer has had a strange effect on us all. While in the most part it’s been bloody shit it has also brought out a positive, determined side in us. A can we do more?… Can we help? …Can we raise awareness? 

Having experienced first hand the scale of this awful disease, the helplessness that we felt , its compelled us to want to do something worth while; try to give back.

I’m considering taking up running [ yes you heard correctly – sofa monster might move yet!? ] so that I can participate in a sponsored run next year. 

The BF and I are constantly thinking of hair brain schemes to help fund raise.

Wing walking‘ has been mentioned a few times but having Cataplexy I doubt it would even get past Health & Safety! Thanks to my ailment I have terrible balance generally … never mind while walking on a chuffing planes wing!

By a weird twist of fate an opportunity arose for my BF to help out at a local Cancer charity shop for the next couple of week-ends. It won’t bring mum back unfortunately BUT it will help raise money for research and maybe, just maybe it will go towards preventing somebody having to through what we have, as a family,  in the future.

Every little helps …

It was his first day working there today , [no drunken Bank Holiday escapades for us] so I popped into see him earlier. 

*Proud girlfriend moment* Continue reading