If you weren’t aware I was invited by M.A.C as part of my Regional Brand Ambassador role [which ends this month] to London this weekend to attend London Fashion Week ; backstage access and to witness a few shows.
It is a BIG thing for me. I might not post hauls of clothes every day or be the most fashion savvy amongst us but I adore the creative side of the industry and the make-up … what can I say I’m in bloody heaven.
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This isn’t a pity party post but maybe my following words will resonate and if you are feeling ‘similar’ they will hopefully make you feel less alone.
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So firstly . . . I’m not in London every weekend and I don’t get invited to many events [ I used too but after turning down a boat lot of invitations – the invitations stopped because that’s how it rolls I guess. In for a penny, in for a pound ]
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Its more or less always just me,myself and I. I have no ‘clique’ around me. I’m forever walking into a room full of strangers … anxious ; feeling more like 14 than 49.
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To the few people who acknowledged and wished me luck , thankyou . I find people often spout on about women supporting women but a lot of it is hot air said to make certain people look or feel like they are saying the right thing . Or it’s exclusive support and they only ‘big up’ the same people week after week.
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I have learnt a lot over the past few months , mostly positive but some negatives. I’ve realised a lot about myself too. The biggest thing I’ve found is that maybe I do need / miss the reassuring words of my mum. I am that adult whose still very childlike ; who needs to hear that she’s doing ok. That’s something I personally need to work on and believe me I am trying. Nobody likes needy BUT I guess we are only human.
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I also found out that not everybody will be happy for you, a lot of people only ‘mention’ or get in touch with you if they want something. Some can’t even bring themselves to say a few nice words.
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So with this in mind I have to create my own happy, give myself a pat on the back or a bloody good talking too when it’s needed.
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My biggest cheerleader [ mum ] is no longer around and my dad cant get his head around what I do. “Always messing around on that bloody phone “
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My BF is amazing but my lack Of confidence drives him to the realm of bonkers and we often end up arguing . I need to spend more time ‘off line’ with my non-Instagram friends. Friends who joke and tell me “nobody really gives a shit ” Who bring me back to reality with a big bang.
I guess what I’m saying is talk … don’t bottle stuff up even if it feels very trivial.
You are not trivial.
It’s very easy to feel like you are invisible … and even the most seemingly confident amongst us sometimes feel like they are not being heard or are not in the ‘popular’ girls club [ hey , I wasn’t popular at school so nothing changed there! ]
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Remember you are everything … and you are a lot more
Tracey x
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I wrote this earlier today before I heard the very sad news about Caroline Flacks suicide . Although it’s non- related I guess it is relevant.
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It is so very important that we keep talking to each other … AND equally importantly that we keep listening.