Health |Let’s talk about ‘Our Maureen’…

Our Maureen.

I have so much to say on this subject that I don’t even know where to start. It’s so important, so extremely close to my heart.

This isn’t sponsored, I’ve not been asked to write it and I didn’t get it sent to me free in the post!

It’s for my Mum and every other woman who went through / or is going through what she did. It is to raise awareness.

So I’ll start with Maureen

Who is she?

Maureen [drumroll …] is what my friends and I call our vaginas , other wise commonly referred too as your muff / tuppence / fanny / pussy / me-me / Mary or Fairy … long story short on a drunken holiday , during a drunken conversation with ‘the girls’ it got christened. Oh how we laughed.

Continue reading

Gone … but not forgotten. Mums cancer journey

I’ve ‘hummed and arrhhed’ about posting this for fear of offending people , for fear of coming across depressive. I’m not here to conform, and it is just my thoughts, my musings of the last few months.

I braved it and hit publish.

* * * * * * * *’

As regular readers  will be aware my mum died on July 10th 2017.

The official cause of death Endometrioid Carcinoma of the Upper Vagina and end stage Kidney Disease. 

I was there as she took her last breath.

Just like that … after 2 weeks in palliative care she gave up the good fight.

It took me a while to be able to say it and not feel terrible… but it was a relief.

To see somebody you love who had always been so active –  bed-bound and in pain, with no prospect of getting better is gut-wrenching. The helplessness you feel, the aching, the love, the anger, the sadness … it a real mix of emotion, it’s confusing.

It caused me anxiety, sleepless nights and pangs of guilt. Continue reading

Charity begins at home … Would you shop at a Charity Shop?

Losing mum to cancer has had a strange effect on us all. While in the most part it’s been bloody shit it has also brought out a positive, determined side in us. A can we do more?… Can we help? …Can we raise awareness? 

Having experienced first hand the scale of this awful disease, the helplessness that we felt , its compelled us to want to do something worth while; try to give back.

I’m considering taking up running [ yes you heard correctly – sofa monster might move yet!? ] so that I can participate in a sponsored run next year. 

The BF and I are constantly thinking of hair brain schemes to help fund raise.

Wing walking‘ has been mentioned a few times but having Cataplexy I doubt it would even get past Health & Safety! Thanks to my ailment I have terrible balance generally … never mind while walking on a chuffing planes wing!

By a weird twist of fate an opportunity arose for my BF to help out at a local Cancer charity shop for the next couple of week-ends. It won’t bring mum back unfortunately BUT it will help raise money for research and maybe, just maybe it will go towards preventing somebody having to through what we have, as a family,  in the future.

Every little helps …

It was his first day working there today , [no drunken Bank Holiday escapades for us] so I popped into see him earlier. 

*Proud girlfriend moment* Continue reading

Goodbyes …

Today I thought I’d share my last tribute to mum with you. A letter I wrote that was actually read out at her ‘Celebration of Life Ceremony’ last Thursday.

People don’t tend to talk about these things and believe it or not I wasn’t going to share it  on here but my BF convinced me that I should.

I suppose in a way it is kind of fitting; you have shared this journey with us. You may even feel as though you knew mum from some of my stories I’ve shared.

I realise that for the past few months mum and her illness is seemingly all I have spoken about. It has in a way been like therapy for me. It’s seen me through.

While I will never ever stop talking about my beautiful mum I’m sure it will become less frequent… on here anyway.

The morning of the service itself was horrible; it rained, and rained and then some.

We woke up to no water courtesy of a burst water main , a bus jack-knived outside the house blocking our path out and then what should have been a 5 minute journey upto dads house took us over half an hour. I honestly  thought we would never get there.

We did . . . JUST!

The service itself was rather beautiful and uplifting . It wasn’t religious in anyway, something we all agreed on. It’s hard to believe in ‘anything’ especially after you’ve sat and witnessed Mum suffer and deteriorate the way she did towards the end.

Music came courtesy of Richard Clayderman ‘ Ballade Pour Adeline‘ , Bruno Mars ‘Talking to the Moon‘  , Eva Cassidy ‘Over the Rainbow‘ and D-Side ‘Real World

There was a very fitting poem ‘She is Gone’ with lots of time to reflect.

The rain even stopped.

So here goes . . .

 

Dear Mum,

On July 10th at 3.25pm you left us – after a long , brave fight you eventually let go. I was there by your side with dad, somewhere I feel I’ve always been.

At that precise moment my world turned upside down…

This letter is something I never thought I’d be writing, not so soon anyway. I write most days yet today I’m struggling to find the words. 

Thankyou for being the most amazing mum. THE BEST. You made it so easy to love you . I suppose that’s why it’s so extremely hard to let go, to say goodbye.

Goodbye is so final and I’m not ready. Continue reading