As your probably aware it’s been a whole 4 days since I lost my beautiful mum. 4 days of walking around in a blur.
I’m trying to keep busy, not think too long or too hard. I mostly just feel numb and extremely sad. I cry randomly, my emotions are like a rollercoaster. I enjoy highs and I hit lows.
I want the world to stop. Why are people still laughing and enjoying themselves, don’t they realise my mums just died? Why isn’t the nation in mourning? Everything is exactly the same as it was before only my mums not here ; my worlds been turned upside down. Nothing for our family will ever be the same again.
Everyday life doesn’t seem real, I have a constant ache in my stomach – it’s like I’ve been punched. I feel empty. Alone. Scared even … but as I’ve been told on numerous occasions “life goes on.”
So here I am, trying to ‘go on‘ little steps at a time … the only way I know how.
By sharing …
I’ve started wearing mums wedding ring at all times, it brings me some comfort. She feels close.
I’m scared to death I’ll lose it so if you happen to bump into me and I’m constantly checking my right hand … it’s not some weird ailment. I’m just checking it’s still there.
It’s a question I’m often asked… while looking at me like I have 3 heads and giving me the haven’t you got better things to do at YOUR AGE look.
Basically I adore writing.
I always have.
It’s my creative outlet.
There’s no age limit to writing. My grandma wrote well into her 80’s.
I kept diaries from about 8 years old until the age of around 17. Not one liner per day diaries … we are talking of epic proportions.
In-depth A5 pages full of my tiny teenage mixed-up scribbles.
I recently stumbled across a pile of them while clearing the loft. I started to read one of the said diaries but due to the amount of cringing I was doing I had to stop… One day when I’m old and grey maybe I’ll try again..
I’ve always been a story-teller and I do believe that everybody has a story to tell.
Something that contributes BUT that I rarely talk about … in fact very few people know…I was bullied at school. Continue reading
I recently stumbled across ‘Nice Things’ a label I had not heard of before.
It was while I was browsing a beautiful little boutique Scarlett Ribbon in Bowness on Windermere. While the scenery at the lakes is gorgeous, the view through this shop’s window delighted me equally as much!
You can wear it with or without its strap. Its woolly on one side and leather on the other and it folds over on itself. I love it. I actually picked this up and deciding it was maybe a-little over my budget I put it back down.
Without my knowledge the boyfriend snuck it in with my other items and bought it for me. A lovely surprise when I got home and excitedly started unpacking it all.
When I was younger I was obsessed with reptiles especially frogs. I have no idea why. Perhaps I actually believed one was my prince !!
This jumper practically leap (frogged) out at me and I had to have it. My boyfriend refers to me (FONDLY I HOPE) as the ‘big green eyed frog’ That sealed the deal and it had to come home with me …
I styled it slightly different with my favourite denim shirt from Next , River Island jeans and trainers from Marks & Spencers for a smart but casual look.
If your asking … then yes, I’m a dancing!
These jumpers aren’t cheap, but they are a lovely quality. I have however yet to wash mine, so as they say – anything could happen. Especially with my luck, washing skills, temporamental washing machine!!. I will keep you posted.
I also picked up these little beauties which are by Ruby Shoo, Shoe Boot – Erica
If I’m honest they caught my eye more or less as soon as I walked into the shop and although I did like them I wasn’t sure they were me? After prancing around the shop in them for a couple of minutes I decided that yes they were. I think they’ll look great with my dark jeans / a pair of cigerette pants I have. They are definately a shoe boot to be worn with trousers.
I’m not generally a fan of matching bags. It looks too ‘done’, but because of the unusual colour / pattern I took it as a fail-safe. I’ll probably never wear them together, but one can never have too many bags or shoes!
I also went on line (fatal error) and spotted these which I’m contemplating purchasing… They are soooo pretty and will look wicked with my dark slim fit jeans or one of my full knee length skirts for a more lady-like look.
As well as the gorgeous clothes they also sell interior nick-nacks, cards, paints and wallpapers. It’s a great little shop.
What do you think to my purchases?
Yay or nay.
Until next time, Tracey x
6 weeks flew by and before I knew it there I was again relaxing on a treatment table , coffee in hand, magazines a plenty while my face was nicely numbing .The rather lovely Juliet at medispaS10 kept popping her head around the door to make sure I was o.k and to fill my cup up.
I rarely ever sit and do ‘nothing’ . The treatment room is tastefully decorated in calming creams and whites. I walk in and resume the ‘flop’ positon . There is no phone signal . No distractions . It’s always rather pleasant to just lay there doing just that. Nothing.