It’s taken me 5 years to get to the point where I feel I want to ‘do’ Christmas again.
Mum died in 2017 and along with it so did my love for Christmas . My mum WAS Christmas. The lady who wore deely boppers on her head everywhere she went from mid November , with added tinsel wrapped around her neck like a fancy scarf in December.
When she died it just wasn’t the same.
The first Christmas after her death myself , dad and my brother went out for Christmas lunch to a posh restaurant in town. We ate all the food and made small talk . None of us really wanted to be there – we were just going through the motions . I came home and cried for what felt like a few hours and was in bed by 8pm. I just wanted it to finish and normal everyday life resume.
Over the years I’ve tried … but you know my heart just felt really sad. Christmas Day just reminded me of Christmas of the past when mum was around and the absolute joy she radiated. The quicker it passed the better.
Grief works in strange ways and it takes time.
Your OWN time – there is no rule book.
I am surrounded by good people and I never felt a pressure , and nobody pressured me to feel anything other than the way I did…
I’m not sure why, or how, or when but something has shifted and for the first time since 2017 I’m feeling a little excited by the thought of Christmas. ‘Miss Last Minute Sid 24th December Shopper’ has even bought her first present! That’s never been heard of.
Yesterday M asked me what I wanted for my birthday [ it falls the week before Christmas] and I knew straight away. To visit Chatsworth House at Christmas, tour the house and have cream tea.
Chatsworth House is beautiful but especially so at Christmas. You know I love my architecture / stately homes but most importantly [ and yes I am crying typing this ] it’s the place Mum and used to go at Christmas for my birthday. We’d have Afternoon Tea; enjoy the surroundings, the food ,the fizz and just being there together …
So we’ve boughts tickets .
I’m quite giddy thinking about it.
It’s little steps.
I might just arrive and cry …
But I’m feeling hopeful
I’ve even seen a fabulous pair of deely boppers with my name on.
Like mother, like daughter x