I woke up this morning feeling strange. A weird, niggly feeling sat far too comfortably in the pit of my stomach.
For the first time in a while I felt hopeful for the next few months, but I also found myself looking to the past , nostalgic for the old days … if that makes any sense whatsoever ?
I thought I would try and shake it off so joined my Dad for our usual Monday morning walk with Mollie Dog .
We headed to the muddy woods & then so Dad could walk the dirt off his boots had a short mooch around Grenoside Village; the place where I grew up .
The village are holding a Christmas Tree Trail. Everyone is welcome to participate and it is bringing some welcome cheer to tier 3 living. There are beautifully decorated trees and gardens ordained with pretty light’s and colourful baubles at each and every turn and around every corner. Even in broad daylight it is quite magical. I don’t know why but it made me want to cry … in an embrace the world and squeeze it to death kind of way.
We bumped into my dad’s lovely neighbour Graham on our travels. We had a socially distanced chat. He said the Christmas trees cheered him up no end, those and the people he bumped into on his daily walks.
He’s definitely onto something there. Throughout all these weird, uncertain times there’s something about Yorkshire folk . A strange resilience. We might whinge about it, but we also just get on with it.
I came home and the nostalgic / sad / happy niggly feeling was still with me. I find at times like this I head for my music. For the past couple of hours I’ve been listening to my all time favourite songs [ and Liam’s Gallagher’s new one ‘ All your dreaming of’ which I’m slightly addicted too ]
I basically let my emotions run amock.
I don’t know why but immersing myself in the music I grew up with, the music I love … and having a dance around my living room is like having a big, welcoming hug .
In this uncertain, shit show that is 2020 Liam’s Mancunian tones are strangely reassuring and familiar – something I never thought I’d hear myself say . The songs take me back, I find myself reflecting . A reminder of a life long gone , but of one well lived .
The shy, young girl who had big dreams and little confidence. A terrible perm, a massive crush on Martin Kemp of Spandau Ballet and Blondie posters plastered all over her bedroom walls .
Feisty like her Grandma Betty .
The party girl just like her mum …
While things didn’t turn out exactly as I envisaged; currently unemployed, a failed marriage behind me and the loss of one of the most important people in my life – my mum- a long , long time before I was prepared for her to leave … I am still here, I am happy and that’s something to be celebrated . I still dream big and I love to go out and party. I don’t see that ever changing . I guess I am my mums daughter afterall; I am doing it for the both of us now. I have big, beautiful boots to fill.
The songs I listen to, in some way, shape or form, piece together like one big complicated jigsaw puzzle and make me, me . There is a tune for every major event – the breakups and the makeups. Births, marriages , deaths, holidays… and that’s what makes it so very special.
Music evokes and sometimes unexpectedly awakens emotions that may have lay dorment for a while . It is a very personal journey; no two people have the identical soundtrack to their lives.
Music is without a doubt, single handily the best tonic you can give yourself – the gift of escapism.
To coin a phrase ” music was my first love and it will be my last” … so please excuse me I’ve got some Guns N Roses lined up and an air guitar with my name on it…